The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
