we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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