is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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