that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
