Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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