Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
