Do you still have your period?
Porn is love you can see.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
