I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
