drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
