My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
