I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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