it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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