I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
