I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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