Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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