What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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