Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
