There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
