Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
