I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
