I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
