its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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