the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
