No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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