i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
