I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
