hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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