Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
