Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
