I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
