First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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