The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
