he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
