You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
