Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
