you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
