Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
