Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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