So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
