We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
