wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
