i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
