you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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