sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
