wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
