I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
