The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
