The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
