By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
