So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
