I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
