Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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