I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
