You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
