Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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